Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
