good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
