doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
