I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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