i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
