Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it hurts more in the daytime
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
