you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
