Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
