Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
