the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
