dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
