hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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