I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
