I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i came on her dog
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
