I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
