My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
