the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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