i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
