She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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