Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
