Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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