She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
