"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
