no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im at strip club and am horny
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
