that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The ass gains better be worth it
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