true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
