"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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