You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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