I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
