My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
