She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
