I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
