does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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