I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
