I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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