I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
