she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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