So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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