Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
