So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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