3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
