I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
bring money and cleavage
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
