Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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