You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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