If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there's paper in my vomit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
