What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
