Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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