So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
