i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
