Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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