I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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