your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
