I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
